Ongrowing’s April 3rd letter | Previous issue: Cleaning
Hello friends!
I wanted to start off by sharing a post that a dear friend recently send to me on Instagram.
The caption says:
As humans, when we think about what we need to achieve in Life, many of us believe that there’s always something ‘more’ and ‘better’ in the future to chase. Some may even get addicted to this chase itself.
After all, years of external influences such as peer pressure and societal conditioning have led us to believe that we need to do and do and then do even more! This creates a reality where one is constantly living in the future. Granted the future does bear unlimited exciting possibilities but what is real is this very moment, right here right now.
Each little moment in the the journey is what gives meaning, not the end. Like how we enjoy a song or dance for what it is and not its’ ending. Paradoxically, the true journey isn’t about becoming anything. But it’s about peeling off the layers and uncovering everything you’re not. Then you can be who you were always meant to be!
Anyhoo, Happy April! This month, I’m so excited to share with you a contribution from Deanna, whose compassion, boldness, and badass fashion just constantly inspires me. Her piece evoked me to explore my own self-talk and let go of beliefs that I was holding onto. I hope that her writing can bring us all some ease and peace as we uncover and sink into our laziness.
-Fair
Introducing our Guest Writer
Hello Ongrowing community! My name is Deanna. I am 30 years old living in the Midwest, USA with my husband and our dog. I love food, reading, and wellness. Today, I am so grateful to share my thoughts on laziness, why laziness is detrimental to our health, and how to reframe it.
As a recovering perfectionist, lazy has been a descriptor I have tried to distance myself from at all costs. In school, I was the flakey student, yet overachieving student, who was clearly stressed out and overcommitted. As I transitioned to the workplace, I carried that same mentality and said yes to every opportunity that came my way and worked over time whenever I could. I was not effective at a single thing I was doing because I was doing too much and not living. I was unfulfilled and burnt out, but I continued on that path because I didn't want to be labeled "lazy".
In our society, we view people who are suffering from real life problems, such as mental illness, poverty, homelessness, as lazy. In his book, Laziness Does Not Exist, Devon Price, PhD, writes,
The word “lazy” is almost always used with a tone of moral judgment and condemnation. When we call someone “lazy,” we don’t simply mean they lack energy; we’re implying that there’s something terribly wrong or lacking with them, that they deserve all the bad things that come their way as a result.
I've come to realize that the major problem with viewing laziness as a moral imperative is that we measure our own worth by our productivity, then we view our peers as assets to be managed. We try to trade our impressive, well-formatted resumes for basic human respect when the exchange is not possible.
Here's how I have reframed laziness for myself: I hear myself said "I'm just being lazy". Then, I ask myself "Am I being lazy? Or am I tired, do I need a break, is this task worth my time?" These days, I mostly need a break because I have cut out most unnecessary tasks, but, initially, I found I was doing a lot of things that weren't worth my energy and time. I make the choice to give myself a break, even if that means some things don’t get done because I deserve to love myself regardless of my productivity level.
I hope, dear reader, you realize you deserve that love with no strings attached.
The Writing Prompt
What's something you can take off your to-do list and how will that serve you?
While responding to this prompt, I felt really proud of myself. Over the past year or so, I’ve let go of several things that aren’t serving me and my happiness. For example, I made the choice to significantly cut back on social media. But when I say let go, that doesn’t mean I’ve deleted all the apps! It simply means I’ve cut out a significant amount of energy towards social media. I check in once or twice a day and after I’ve checked in, I am able to remove social media from my mind. This has served me because I am able to feel connected to friends who are making amazing content and I am able to protect my mental health.
Another thing I’ve given up is striving to do everything perfectly. I used to be hyper independent which manifested as never asking for help and as a result I was running myself into the ground trying to keep up with chores, school, work, my mental and physical health, having healthy and meaningful relationships… I felt like I was juggling everything and dropping the ball in almost every aspect. It took a serious blow to my physical health for me to ask for help from my partner so that I could put my energy where it needed to be. So that meant releasing control of having to do everything myself and that some things would have to wait to get done until I had enough energy to do it. This served me by making me better at accepting help, but it also served me because I was able to practice stating what I need.
-Deanna