Ongrowing’s March 27th letter | Previous issue: The “I” in Identity
Dear friends,
I hope you’ve been well. I wanted to share with you a cliche but gold quote that we often only hear the first part of:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
- Alexander Graham Bell
Whether the door represents a relationship, a job opportunity, a missed connection, or a vacation, the quote rings true. (Pun intended if you know what Alexander Graham Bell invented. Answer here.)
So often, I get fixated on the closed door that I forget to spend that energy, attention, and time on the many different doors that I can open. Because these three things are finite, I’m becoming more cognizant of where and how I spend them. This means becoming more aware of how I spend my time, what and where I put my attention to, and who and what adds or subtracts my energy. How do you keep tabs of these? Let me know in the comments.
Today’s Story
My dad spends a lot of time cleaning. He keeps (most parts of) the house polished and neat. Almost every evening, I would see him either watering plants and sweeping leaves in the garden or wiping down his several tech gadgets.
His prized possession, however, is his car. So it’s unsurprising that his car is one of the objects where he keeps squeaky, squeaky clean.
I always wondered what his obsession is with cleaning and/or keeping things clean. I’m the complete opposite of him. I’m quite messy (but hygienic!) and I can’t care less if my things get dusty or scratched. Cleaning is a chore, and I minimize time doing it. In fact, I try to avoid it as much as I can. Maybe, subconsciously, I rebel against cleaning because it’s often something women are supposed to do and be good at.
Then one evening came.
As usual, my dad was in the garage washing his car. I asked him what he was doing and he enthusiastically replied that he was “shampooing” the car with a new soap he had just purchased. Seeing that he was really enjoying the process, I leaned in and asked if I could join him. I thought that I could really use some of his joy.
“Of course, why don’t I show you what to do. There’s a few steps involved but you could totally do it. Alright, grab that grey cloth and the purple spray.”
He dove into exterior car detailing 101, telling me the do’s and don’ts and assessing my facial expression to see whether I understood him or not. I listened and nodded.
When showtime came around, I grabbed the cloth and spray from him. Laser-focused, I started from the driver’s seat side and slowly worked my way around from front to back. It was then that I realized how cleaning can be gratifying and delightful.
When you’re present and appreciative, the act of cleaning can become an act of love and care. When you clean something intentionally, you’re showing it respect by removing dirt or marks or messes that may cause it to not be in its optimal state (think also cleaning your teeth, washing your hands etc).
Because I don’t see myself as a very materialistic person, I shy away from showing material goods care or affection, fearing that I’d get attached to them. This probably is also why I don’t clean my things often. This reminds me of a scene from Tidying Up with Marie Kondo where Marie Kondo walks a family through her tidying process and tells them to thank their house and belonging.
“This idea is incorporated in the KonMari Method as expressing gratitude to your belongings for taking care of you,” she said. “If you are letting go of an item, giving thanks is also a way of properly saying goodbye, so that you can mark the end of your relationship with the item and release it without guilt. It’s a way to recognize your relationship with your possessions.”
The (Writing) Prompt
What is you prized possession/object? Why do you like or love it? How can you show it love and care? (Cleaning is encouraged if applicable.)
Going back to Marie Kondo’s idea of “expressing gratitude to your belongings for taking care of you” still gives me goosebumps. How crazy yet true is this perspective?! I’m resonating with it more as I feel that the way we treat our belongings can also be telling of the way we treat people (and vice-versa). In Japanese Shintoism, people believe that “all things, including objects, have spirits, thoughts or feelings in them according to kinds of energies that we humans put into [them].” Regardless of spirits, all our possession are made by someone or something. They are also a product of this earth, just like us. So, maybe, showing them love and care isn’t so crazy after all.
Until next time,
Fair
My prized object (which ironically I no longer have with me after my move to Vietnam) is a battered, coffee-stained Little Prince coaster that I'm not even sure I remember where I got from. It might be Paris (which would explain why I love it so much since I had a dream-like study year abroad there). The coaster is special because Little Prince is a very special book to me, and I use it for drinking my favourite drink (coffee, hence the stain). I'm definitely going to show it love and care by bringing it back with me the next time I visit home!
I swear these issues just keep getting better and better. As I was reading this, I knew exactly where you were going and you went there! I agree - if we see cleaning as a way of taking care of our things, it can become enjoyable. I can't really think of a prized object off the top of my head (perhaps this is what happens when you move around so much), but I'll try to keep this in mind the next time I'm doing laundry or doing the dishes nevertheless!