Ongrowing - Navigating our identities
Yep, we do have more than one
Ongrowing’s February 6th letter with guest writer, Tessa
Previous issue: Re-introductions
Hey all!
I’m super excited to kick-off February with a guest feature from Tessa, my partner-in-crime and confidante in life, who some of you may know as Toffy. Having known her for over seven years (it feels like a lifetime), I’ve had the honor of witnessing her growth and learning many, many life lessons from her. Recently, she has made an empowering and bold decision to change her name to one which feels aligned and true to herself. I hope that her story today can inspire all of you to pursue and prioritize authenticity.
Enjoy,
Fair
Today’s Story
Hi Ongrowing community! 👋
As an avid reader of Ongrowing, I’m so excited to pop in and drop some thoughts. Many of you might know me as Toffy, Fair’s MindTerra co-founder, but I recently made the switch to the name, Tessa, and would love to tell you a bit about that journey.
Hello from Spain, where I don’t know anyone, and frankly, no one knows me. It’s been liberating to jump into a new place with a clean slate and I feel everyone should do that at some point in their life (but that’s another topic for another day).
In situations where no one really knows me, I tend to use the name, Tess. Tess started as my Starbucks name for convenience and for dating apps because it’s just safer. And if you’re wondering, Tess is a shortened version of my legal name, so it didn’t just come out of thin air.
Anyway, meeting people as Tess has felt more carefree, liberating, and open. Although I’ve used the name before, Tess has taken on a different meaning in Spain. As Tess, it felt easier to drop whatever was holding me back from opening up and sharing a part of me with the world and letting the world share itself with me.
If Tess were a character, she’d wear black pumps confidently and wouldn’t be afraid to take up space. She rocks a short, purple bob cut, tattoos, piercings, a crop top, and deep red lipstick. Tess doesn’t need any approval or validation. And Tess was only able to emerge here in Spain because it provided a neutral space to enjoy and explore freely.
I think we all have those alternate personas or identities within us. The identities and people we would have been had society’s expectations not dug their claws into us. And sometimes, we don’t even know that they’re living within us until we stop to intentionally connect with them or provide them the space and setting for them to emerge.
The Writing Prompt
Who is your alter ego? Describe them — what they wear, what they eat, how they act and behave, etc. (If you have trouble, think — who would you be if you landed in a place where no one knew who you were?)
What insights did you glean from your alter ego?
How can you invite parts of your alter ego(s) into your own life?
Our identities are never static and we are constantly reinventing ourselves over and over again everyday. In the same way as I was able to connect with my alter ego, Tess, I would love to hear about your alternate ego(s). I can’t wait to meet them.
With love,
Tessa
P.S. If you’re curious about how Tess became Tessa, you can read more about that here.
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