Ongrowing - Moving through darkness

Is part of the human experience

Ongrowing’s March 6th letter | Previous issue: Setting boundaries

Hey all,

It’s the first week of the month, which means it’s time for our guest feature! I’m thrilled to introduce you to one of the wisest human being I know. She is someone I consider not only a friend but also a spiritual mentor who never fails to provide those around her with compassion and understanding.

Her story today came to me like a gift. I was feeling sad and low-spirited, but wasn’t completely aware of why I was feeling that way. I felt like I was trapped in a pitch black well with no water and no glimpse of an exit. I was doubting myself and my capacity to bounce back. The shift I was going through baffled me; I had no vocabulary to describe or pinpoint what the shift was. After reading her words, though, I was present to the fact that we all have moments of heaviness and lightness, and just like each day of our lives, we cycle through them both. This learning brought me a renewed sense of peace, allowing me to be at ease with whatever, however, whyever I was feeling. The freedom to feel and just be sounds simple and straightforward, but you’d be surprised by how rare we let ourselves do that. I hope this piece of writing guides you there.

-Fair

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Introducing our Guest Writer

Hello there. My name is Nkem, and I’m glad to be able to contribute to Ongrowing, which I have been subscribed to since the early days. As the founder of a wellness-through-writing platform, I value truthful expression as well as the sharing of energy around authenticity and lived experiences. I’m also a writer and writing coach specializing in guiding people to their authentic creative written expression. In order to guide my clients to these places, I must follow my internal guidance to my sources of truth within. Though a sense of peace pervades the inner journey, the journey does not always feel good. But it’s always worth it. I hope the story I share today will exemplify that.

Today’s Story

As I write this, I am moving through darkness. I can’t say exactly where it’s come from. But it’s sat in my chest all day, mimicking indigestion, finding distractions in television series and the soaking of lentils I later cooked. The feeling remained in its small way throughout the day until a few hours ago when my steps were caught up by my breath that was caught up by tears, trying to choke out of my mouth. And I wondered, what am I holding back? Why, even in this moment when things feel so intense, am I not allowing the tears to flow?

What am I holding back?

I really do like to consciously put myself into the position of responsibility here. I certainly don’t like the pressure of being responsible for my darkness, but when I frame these moments in this way, I realize that I am also responsible for my light. And so, I invite us to think of our own personal light as a gradient. The blend of shadow and light creating a depth to the color that adds complexity to existence.

I find it comforting to associate my bouts of darkness, heaviness, sadness with complexity rather than believing something is wrong with me. Does being whole mean always being “happy”? I don’t believe so. Truth be told, I am moving away from that space – the one that would guide me to solutionizing rather than accepting. One that looks to the future and the past instead of being present in the moment, with the darkness that wants to bring me deeper into myself. With the darkness that is guiding me to eventual peace.

It's kind of tricky to write about darkness, because it’s been so heavily stigmatized. And while I don’t believe our darkness should be experienced solely alone, I do think there is quite a bit to learn when we make the decision for ourselves to dare to enter those dark tunnels within. Where might they lead?

I find it comforting to associate my bouts of darkness, heaviness, sadness with complexity rather than believing something is wrong with me.

I know they lead to freedom, reconciliation, lightness, but to get to the other side takes true love for self and honest presence. It may also take the support of a friend, or a counselor, or therapist, or coach. Let’s be honest; sometimes we can’t see clearly when we’re so deep in it.

Right now, though, I feel my darkness with me here, like a shadowy cloak adding a bit of gravitas to my environment and causing me to slow down and check in with myself, as many times as I need to. My darkness is teaching me that nothing is more important than my connection to myself and my spirit. Many times, that means my connection to my joy, but my darkness is teaching me that to know true, full, uninhibited joy is to know the depths of pain, even when it is not mine to carry.

Moving through darkness is a process, and some days are full of the joy I felt all over me as a child. When more somber days come, I am reminded to still myself, tune in, and breathe with whatever arises, trusting that through the darkness, I remain whole.

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The Writing Prompt

How do you feel about your darkness/sadness/unhappiness? How do you experience your darkness/sadness/unhappiness? In your mind? In your body? What do you think your darkness is trying to signal to you?

Reckoning with darkness is not easy, but it must be done some way, somehow. Many of us don’t feel quite equipped to dive into the depths of darkness because we’ve spent so long forcing ourselves away from it. That’s okay. Take your time with the above prompts if they resonate with you. Or, bring them along to a therapy session and try to work through them when you have more support, as you continue your personal journey of being a multifaceted, beautiful, raw human being.

Be well,

Nkem