Ongrowing - Chasing worthiness
And why you should give it a second thought
Ongrowing’s January 23rd letter | Previous issue: Slowing down
Hi all!
This morning, I bid adieu to my brother as he is traveling back to Boston for school. Saying goodbye is always such a practice; I’m learning to be more joyous in departures, even when it’s just for a little while. I do feel that we’re more present and intentional with our time together when there’s a clear “deadline” for when one of us will leave. Maybe this is something we should bring into all our relationships to make sure we don’t take those immediately and/or constantly around us for granted.
Anyhoo, he also left me a secret voice message on my phone. A super cute act which also brought to my attention the lack of security on my phone. In part of the voice message, he says:
“Thank you for being protecting and sheltering, being the home away from home, and for always caring and being so confident, so celebrating of who I am and everything I do, it means a lot to me. And it shapes so many things that I've done, I do, and I will do.”
I can’t help but get misty-eyed 😢 . It’s hard to see what you don’t see i.e. the impact and the impression you have on others, so it’s surprising and particularly touching when someone tells you how they feel about you. His words also inspired me to reflect on how I can be more confident and celebrating of all the people in my life. What if we all choose to do that? What would the world look like?
Today’s Story
“Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are.” - Patricia Mou
I stumbled upon this quote when I was hastily clearing up my inbox e-mails, preparing to dig into more work materials. It struck me that I have been quite fidgety and on edge these past few weeks since I started my new job. Returning back to work has re-introduced me to routine and structure, as well as pressure and expectations. Since visiting several LinkedIn pages to stalk learn more about my co-workers, I’ve had creeping thoughts and doubts on whether I am good enough and capable enough. My brain goes like this:
Wow, they’re the same age as me (or just a few years older) and so accomplished
Dang, their title is so much fancier than mine
Hmm, I wonder if they get paid more than me
Ugh, am I behind?!
As a result of all this thinking, it’s no wonder that I’m constantly trying to do more and more and more and not feeling satiated. I took a huge step back and asked myself,
Why are you working so hard?
The elegant answer would be because I’m a career-driven individual who wants to learn more and become better. But I’d be lying to myself if I were to say that’s the real and honest truth.
Upon digging and shaking off the shame and guilt inside, I found that I’ve been wanting to do more because I wanted to prove myself to others that I am good, like, really good. There was also this fear that I was behind. I was motivated to make an impression on the team and get a promotion as quickly as possible. I was working hard to prove to others that I belonged, that I am worthy of being on the team.
This revelation was scary, yet illuminating. I was afraid to admit that my hardworking-ness didn’t come from a place of pure ambition and drive. But to surrender to the ego means detaching from the ego itself. By becoming more aware of this chatter in my mind, I was able to relax. I reminded myself that I didn’t have to prove myself to anyone, especially me. We are worthy just by existing. Our worthiness is our birthright, and not something we have to fight for.
The Writing Prompt
Where in your life do you feel tension? This can show up agitation, frustration, stress, anger, hurriedness, anxiety etc. Question what is causing you to feel that way. Probe into those feelings and see if it’s possible that they’re coming from a place of expectations and norms. Is there someone or something that you’re trying to prove?
“The fact is, however, external changes are not going to solve your problem because they don’t address the root of your problem. The root problem is that you don’t feel whole and complete within yourself. If you don’t identify the root properly, you will seek someone or something to cover it up. You will hide behind finances, people, fame, and adoration. If you try to find the perfect person to love and adore you, and you manage to succeed, then you have actually failed.” - The Untethered Soul
It’s kind of ironic to have to re-learn that you are whole and complete, and that you deserve ease just through being. Although society is striving to make life easier and better, we seemed to have conditioned ourselves that the only way to do so is through hustle, hard work, and pain. In my head, I hear my middle school basketball coach yelling, “NO PAIN, NO GAIN!!” (flashback to when he ordered us to run laps around the court). I feel that we all have some form of this voice inside ourselves, whether that’s our coach or parents or teachers. To tune down this voice, every now and then, I check-in on myself to see if I’m feeling tense or relaxed. I invite you to try and approach things with more ease. See how that goes.
With love,
Fair
Wow amazing reflection!! This couldn’t have come at a better time. Your newsletters are always like a warm hug from a friend 🥺❤️