Ongrowing - A message from a dream
“Fear is restricting, love is liberating”
A lot of days, I wake up with a song in my head. These songs are as random as they come in a 90s jukebox. I have no explanation for how they just enter my brain, but I like it. It’s like a ‘Discover Weekly’ playlist on Spotify… but free!
Some days, I wake up with words or phrases. I don’t know if they’re related to my dreams or not, but I stopped questioning the origin or source of these messages. You can only ask so many why’s and how come’s until you realize you don’t really know the answers.
Today’s phrase came after a bad dream. In the dream, I was standing beside my brother. We were working together on building some sort of machine. He was holding a blowtorch and was trying to melt a part of the contraption. I told him to be careful. He said he has it under control. I didn’t trust him.
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In my worst nightmares, I lose someone I love. They’re in pain, and I can’t seem to do anything about it. I warn them, I follow them, I try to protect them. But it doesn’t change the course of anything. I’m powerless and scared.
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Moments later, the machine blows up. My ears are ringing and I can’t see much. My eyes scan across the room and my brother is nowhere to be found. My heart starts racing and I scream out his name. I walk to find him bruised and injured. Severely hurt from the explosion that I saw coming. I whisper as I cry, I told you so.
“Fear is restricting, love is liberating”
I learned that fear isn’t bad. If anything, fear tries to protect you from all the dangers and threats that is out there in the world. Fear keeps you safe and unscathed. It is rooted in our primitive behaviors to help us survive. Fear induces the fight-or-flight responses, and in its modern day forms, you’re either clenching your jaws too tight or restlessly fidgeting your arms and legs. Your body holds you back.
Love feels like the opposite. In my body, love feels warm and light. It is deep, but not heavy. It is grounding, but not attached. It is expansive and vast.
In love, there is courage and strength. In love, there is kindness and compassion.
And with love, I leave you with words from one of my favorite writers.
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Touched By An Angel
We, unaccustomed to courage
exiles from delight
live coiled in shells of loneliness
until love leaves its high holy temple
and comes into our sight
to liberate us into life.
Love arrives
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love's light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet it is only love
which sets us free.
-Maya Angelou